Choosing Meh
Choosing “meh” is choosing oneself. It’s getting rid of the expectations we grew up with that society taught us to have. It’s setting our own expectations and being unconcerned with them not aligning with others’ thoughts on the same issue. I get to define what makes me happy and if feeling a generalized “meh” feeling about the world around me is where my happiness bar lies, then that’s my choice. And it’s yours, too.
And the cool thing is, we get to change our minds.
That’s why this space very specifically says, “today.” If tomorrow is the day that I want to feel all the emotions with all the intensity like I used to, then so be it. I think we forget that - that we have the choice to decide how something affects us and to what degree.
The other day, one of my besties told me she wants to go to a rage room. And since she’s my bestie, I’m obviously going with and will full on support her breaking things - and I will likely join in. I’ve been to a rage room twice before, when I was overwhelmed by feelings, and I tell you what, it was amazing! I was pouring sweat, tears were shed, and I was exhausted at the end of it. It was brilliant. But with this new approach to, I don’t know, I guess with my life right now, I don’t have intense feelings. I truly do just feel meh, but in the best ways.
It’s so interesting to respond to external stimuli in this way. I definitely feel the heaviness of the world, and I listen to the pain and frustrations of my friends, but I no longer internalize it all as my own. My own world is plenty full with its own stories that I’ll be in therapy for years to come to sort it all out and trust me, that is enough for me to hold on to. Everything else is not for me to hold. I can hold space when it’s needed, and then release it back into the Universe.
I think this concept of choosing “meh” came from a perspective I never used to have. Over the years, life experiences have taught me that nothing is permanent and nothing really is as it seems. My favorite quote is, “Nothing is ever as good as it feels or as bad as it seems.” It reminds me to keep my perspective balanced and to not exaggerate my feelings - which, in hindsight, I used to do. And it aligns with this choosing “meh” space that I’m in. Meh feels balanced and to me, it is a Goldilocks space to live in. No matter what I’m feeling in this moment, something will happen and the feelings will change. The only thing a person can count on is change, so why invest so much into that moment? If it’s a truly beautiful moment, and it all feels really good, I’m going to sit in it and love every second of it but I won’t be sad when it’s over. I’ll have those moments and those feelings living inside me now and I can keep them in memories and photos that I’ll cherish. So, the beauty has passed? Meh, that’s okay. And as I wrote that, I smiled and shrugged my shoulders.
Maybe I am still carrying some emotional numbness from my past or maybe I’ve reached a certain point in my life that I’ve become so cynical, and my bar on what’s normal is so trashed in the ground, that nothing really rattles me anymore. And I also have enough of life on my plate to eat today that I don’t need to worry about tomorrow’s plate or someone else’s plate. They will still be there and I just simply do not have the emotional bandwidth to scoop up all the plates and try to eat them all.
So, today, I choose meh. Balanced, content, and at peace. What about you?
