Meh-ny Frustrations…

Today, I had to consciously choose meh. One of my pups woke me up WAY too early, and so I was immediately annoyed. I tried going back to sleep and while I was eventually able to, when I woke up for good just a short time later, I still felt so tired and not well rested at all. (and at this very moment, I am typing one handed because this same extremely anxiously attached pup is literally grabbing my hand with her abnormally strong paw and demanding attention, as though she’s never been petted once in her life… *insert super dramatic eyeroll here *)

What was I saying??

Oh, right. Annoyed. Not rested.

Okay, so, then I had a decision to make. Do I push through feeling tired and annoyed and frustrated and go to the gym, or do I take advantage of a light day and take a nap? I chose a nap. But when I awoke from the 33 minutes of sleep, rather than feeling recharged, I now also felt this anger and frustration with literally everything. I didn’t go workout, so I was annoyed with myself for that, I had a conversation where I was misunderstood and that was just unnecessary frustration, I read two incredibly stupid headlines, and my bff baby daddy sent me some absolutely awful news that just makes me hate society today all over again.

I was in all of my negative feels. And then I went to therapy. And I told my therapist why I was angry and he was like, oh, yeah, that’s all about right. And in that moment, I was able to embrace that yep, many of us are outraged and angry and frustrated and this is all normal and part of our lives today (gross). And then with that all vented out and the response was like, “uhh, yeah…” then I was able to just exhale a bit.

But I still wasn’t in my meh mindset.

Then, something happened this evening that was out of my hands, yet directly impacted me and my work, but to a much lesser degree than it affected someone else that I care about. And that’s where I was like, oh…okay. Meh, at least I was at the right place, at the right time, to be able to offer the help needed to assist in a tiny way and alleviate at least a little bit of the stress that the other person was feeling. That mattered more than anything else in that moment.

My emotional capacity is not yet in a place where I can feel all of the awfulness and heaviness that seems to be literally constantly around us, and then still be able to function. I.just.can’t. Between my own healing from my own traumas, to being a present mom, to trying to focus my creative energy so I can work, to being a good friend and human in society….something has got to give.

So, I take a big inhale, hold it for a second while I grieve and feel all the feelings, and then I exhale as much of it out of me that I can. I try to remember that I control my thoughts and my feelings, they do not control me, and surely they cannot consume me, though they absolutely try.

Life sucks. But, in moments, it’s also pretty great. And I am grateful to have the privilege of safety (I fully understand that this isn’t a guarantee for many) and perspective so that I can take the time to re-calibrate. My anger towards the injustices of this world will always be there. And I’m also reminded that me, simply sitting in my anger, will not do anything helpful - not to me and not to anyone else.

So, by choosing meh, I am choosing to take a moment to pause and realign with who I am and what I want to project into this world. By not over-responding to my emotions, I can stay balanced and can be a far better asset to those around me, both professionally and personally.

Choosing meh is choosing me (but with an accent - it’s okay to laugh at my dumb joke!). And by choosing me, I can be a more present human for those around me.

So, at 10:36 pm, for the betterment of me and those around me (which is only my pups tonight), I am choosing meh. Good night, my loves.