Meh-ny Sorrows
It’s nearly impossible to choose meh lately. My heart is so heavy, feeling the burden of pain from, it seems, every corner and every person. Including me.
Almost everyone I know isn’t just going through something, they’re going through something so intense, you can practically see their bodies fold from the weight of what they’re carrying.
Yet, we smile. We walk along the path. One foot after the other.
Choosing meh is an intentional choice to retain perspective and sanity. But it just feels like it’s getting harder by the day. The pain in our families, our communities, and across the globe is suffocating. It’s all just too much.
I don’t even seek happiness anymore. I’m just “happy” if I’m not unhappy. I’m happy if I get up and workout and take a shower. My happiness bar is so low and I can’t decide if that’s a good thing or not. I don’t have high expectations…I mean, I don’t even have expectations. Or, maybe my expectation is that I’ll be disappointed or experience some hurt or some sorrow either directly or indirectly. So, if that’s my expectation, and then my life is just kinda status quo, then that’s a significant win.
Meh IS happiness right now.
And yet, today, I can’t even feel meh. My thoughts swirl as I stare blankly at my wall, overwhelmed by the chaos that threatens to steal all of my light.
Sigh…
What makes it all even worse is that I know several people having this same experience. And then the strangers that I read about living lives that are even darker and scarier…
Tomorrow I’ll go to the gym. I’ll take a shower. Tomorrow, I’ll be “happy” because I’ll make it a “meh” day. Tomorrow, I’ll re-focus on the good, both in my world and the world around me, because surely there IS good. Tomorrow, I’ll choose meh. But for tonight, I’m sitting in the void, letting the waves of this life crash over me, as I’ll simply sway with the stormy seas made from our collective tears and try to not fall overboard.
